Scene 7

Macbeth's house.

Enter Angus and Mandy Macbeth, L

Macbeth         Good news, dearest. I've invited Duncan King over to our house to stay for a few days while the decorators clear up the mess.

Mandy            Why is that good news? Don't think you'll get his job just by being nice to him.

Macbeth         (patiently) No dear. I plan to arrange a little accident for him.

Mandy            Accident? What sort of an accident? We don't need lawyers suing us for compensation.

Macbeth         No dear. Accident, as in, "terminate with extreme prejudice".

Mandy            You mean, kill him?

Macbeth         Precisely.

Mandy            Well, why didn't you just say that? For goodness sake, you men are such wimps. Look, take this. (She offers him a knife)

Macbeth         Is this a dagger I see before me?

Mandy            No, it's a skean dhu.

Macbeth         Is there a difference?

Mandy            I don't care. It'll still kill him, won't it?

Macbeth         But I can't just stab him in the back.

Mandy            Why not? It's the safest way.

                        Look, here he comes now. You deal with him; I'll knock up some incriminating evidence on the computer.

Enter Duncan, R

Duncan           Angus, Mandy, how kind you are to help me out in my time of need. I am most gratified.

Macbeth         It's the least we could do.

Mandy            We're just happy we could help out.

Macbeth         It's no trouble at all.

Mandy            We do so love having you here.

Duncan           It'll just be for one night.

Mandy            (to audience) And maybe not even as long as that.

Macbeth         Let me show you to the spare room.

He begins to gesture with the knife, before noticing it with horror and hiding it behind his back.

Exit Macbeth and Duncan L.

Mandy            At last! This is our chance. I just hope that useless husband of mine doesn't blow it.

Blackout. - Mandy Macbeth in spotlight, centre stage. Song to go here.

                        We'll take what should be rightly ours,
The feeble foe beneath us cowers,
The King will die, and with his death,
The world will learn the name Macbeth.

Thunder and lightning. Enter chorus, panicking and running around.

Politician 1      What a calamity!

Politician 2      Is it true?

Politician 3      This is terrible!

Politician 4      What's happened?

Enter Macbeth L

Macbeth         There's been a murder. The First Minister is dead.

All                   (in unison) Jings! Crivens! Help ma bob!

Mandy            He disturbed some burglars. We caught them on CCTV - look.

She holds up a photograph of the set, with a childish drawing of burglars overlaid on it - stripy jumper, bag marked SWAG, dagger with blood dripping off it, etc

                        And we found this note.

Politician 1      What does it say?

Mandy            "It was us what done it - signed, the burglars."

                        And there's more - "P.S. We vote the MSP for Glamis gets his job." That would be you, Angus.

Politician 2      Yes, that's right.

Politician 3      You were his deputy.

Politician 4      You have to be First Minister now.

Macbeth         Oh alright, if you insist.

Mandy            Yes! (punches air) Oh, sorry, I hate it when it does that. (looks ashamed)

Macbeth         (to audience)

                        Because of my successful plan,
The job is mine! I am The Man.
No-one can stop me, just you wait,
For I am now the head of state.

                        (evil laugh)

Audience         Boo! Hiss!

Curtains close as chorus mill about in disarray.

End of Act 1.